He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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