he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
