How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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