I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
