she kept yelling 'call me bella'
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize