you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How does it feel to date your dad?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
