There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
