i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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