I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize