we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
