There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
