My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
