I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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