Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize