I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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