Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm like, not good at living.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
