I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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