Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
