so explain again why im purple
no
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
