do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize