Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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