I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
