just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
