so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
