you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
