I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
