He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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