I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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