my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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