I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
