just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
