drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this beer tastes like vomit already
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
