No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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