So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
