would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
