Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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