i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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