When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
