shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
