We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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