weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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