Me too!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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