Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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