I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Couch. On fire.
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