you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
