Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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