nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
