If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am midnight drunk by noon
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
