The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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