I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
