Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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