you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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