3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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