You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
