Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
