I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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