She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
