I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
