I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
