Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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