Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize