u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
