i already hear my dad disowning me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
