normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
