I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
