apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I'm really busy with my period
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